Paper Hearts
by AmyBot3000
Summary: Naomi has loved Emily since she was 12, but now their relationship is in ruins. As Naomi prepares to let Emily move on for good Doctor Foster crashes into their lives. Sort of an alternate season four ending?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: I wrote this just after season four aired. The second half of the fic was completely... Ridiculous... So I'm rewriting it! The first half is pretty much good to go though, just needs some bits adding and some editing. I've also added lyrics, because that seemed appropriate.

If anyone's followed me over from the Rookie Blue fandom **1**. This fic is a COMPLETELY different tone, not even half as fluffly and fun.** 2**. Thanks for following me. **3**. I got a half sleeve tattoo, toast girl is a big fan.

* * *

_I'm going to miss the way I missed you,_

_But I'm okay if you're okay,_

_I've been lonely when I'm with you,_

_But now I'm lonely all the same._

* * *

I've been in love with her since I was 12, loved her from the moment I saw her.

It was a school assembly, mum had moved us to Bristol for her latest 'saving the world one homeless person at a time' stint, they were introducing me, so naturally there was the general piss take that was my name. It was her sisters laugh that caught my attention, loud, obnoxious, the only thing 12 year old Katie was missing was leopard print. Before I could launch a full scale scowl on her I noticed the girl next to her pulling on her sleeve, silencing her. That was the first time I looked into Emily Fitch's eyes, her face turned towards me and I fell. For years my eyes followed her, for years I'd lay awake at night thinking about how one day we would strike up a conversation and she would fall madly in love with me.

The day we were paired up for some Geography project was the best day of my 15 year life, for 3 years I had watched her and finally we actually had our first conversation, she was as beautiful as I had always imagined. In that short hour I fell even harder, I fell for the way her nose crinkled before she laughed, I fell for the light that appeared in her eyes when she found something interesting, I fell for how soft her hand was when it accidentally brushed against mine. It was at this time I began to put a word to how I was feeling, she was a girl, I was a girl, I was gay. It was something that was always there, in the back of my mind, I would always find myself lusting after the female lead instead of the male in any TV program, I watched the cheerleaders instead of the footballers, I checked out Miss Blackwell instead of Mr Anderson.

That best day shortly turned into the best year. We had glancing conversations, normally interrupted by Katie dragging her off somewhere, a small smile always thrown over her shoulder as she was dragged away. We ate lunch together sometimes, normally when Katie was off molesting her latest boyfriend, it was at these times I had to restrain myself from grabbing her by the front of her blazer and crashing my lips against hers in front of the whole canteen.

It was the end of year 11, everyone who was anyone had been invited to some posh bitches house to party out their final day of secondary school. I spent an hour trying to spot her, but in the end she found me. I had relocated to the kitchen ready to down some of the multicoloured shots that had been left on the table, try and block out the crushing sense of loss at the realisation that I would probably never see her again. We had been passing friends at best, I didn't even have her number. Then there she was stood in the doorway watching me, her eyes undoing me. Before I could call out and greet her I found her body pushing mine against the table, her hands locked in my hair as her lips caressed mine. It took barely a moment for me to react, my arms wrapped around her waist as I backed her into the kitchen counter. Feelings overwhelmed me. I finally had my girl.

Then _she_ turned up, the force that was Katie Fitch tore us apart, the abuse she hurled at me, the stinging of her hand slapping against my face, it didn't dislodge my eyes from Emily's pleading ones. My heart broke, shattered to my feet, but I knew what I had to do. I let Katie push me around, I let her think it was me that kissed Emily. I protected her even though four years of longing was ripping me apart inside.

I slept with a guy for the first time that night. After Katie had dragged Emily out the back door and Emily never looked back I knew I had to do something to stop _feeling_ it all. His come one was crude, but it was enough. The pattern repeated itself over the summer. I refused to think about Emily, hardened my exterior and slept with any guy who showed any interest hoping I would find a spark with one them to silence the voices that told me this was wrong. I wasn't gay.

Roundview was meant to be a fresh start, but my body still felt heavy at the thought I'd never look into Emily Fitch's eyes again. Then it all happened, our eyes met and I fell again. Harder than I had when I was just 12, but this time the feelings terrified me, I already knew what it was like to lose her. I couldn't deny to myself that I loved her, but I couldn't help pushing her away, I was just so _scared_ if I gave into her she would tear my life apart again. That's why when I finally had her, I forced it to fall apart by sleeping with Sophia in a desperate attempt to shake her hold on me.

Now she's upstairs, in our bed, with a girl that isn't me. Nothing would happen between them tonight, the girl Emily had brought home had promptly passed out on top of the covers, Emily had made it as far as top of the stairs before deciding the landing was a sufficient place to sleep. Like so many nights before I carried her into our room and placed her under the covers, I was to weary to try changing her into something that resembled sleep wear. It was my own fault, but it didn't make the crushing feeling of seeing her with someone else any less gut wrenching. In the end she would be better without me, she would find someone to fall in love with, someone who could be brave for her when she needed, instead of being terrified she would find someone more deserving of her love every moment they were together.

I missed her eyes the most. She never looked at me any more, only when she was angry, but even in those moments her eyes pierced through all the defences I had.

My thoughts were disturbed by the rattling lock on the back door, Cook undoubtedly breaking in after he'd lost his key _again_. He would probably proceed to throw up in the sink again as well. Pushing myself off the sofa I went to greet the little jail breaker extraordinaire, make him down a couple of glasses of water. I was not having a repeat of Monday, how he managed to generate that amount of vomit still escaped me. He'd been a surprise rock for me during this time, surprised me that he could think with anything but his cock really.

The kitchen was still bathed in darkness, an orange glow from the street lights helped me pick out the silhouette of a man, except it wasn't Cook. This man was bigger. Fear gripped me immediately, but still my thoughts ignored my safety and flared straight to Emily.

I found my voice, the tremor unmistakable "Who the fuck are you?"

He turned around slowly, his smiling face revealed in the orange light. He didn't seem surprised by my presence in the room, his voice was steady "Good evening, Miss, Miss Campbell yes? I'm looking for Emily, is she upstairs?"

At the mention of Emily my voice found the conviction it was missing, "That's none of your fucking business, now, who the fuck are you?"

"Sorry, I'm Dr John Foster, I've been treating Elizabeth Stonem. Something very interesting came up in one of her recent sessions concerning Emily, I think she's causing a block in her treatment, so just like Freddie she's going to need to be removed." His voice remained calm as he took a step towards me holding out his hand waiting for me to shake it.

"What the fuck do you mean removed like Freddie?" His hand dropped back down to his side and he shook his head at me.

"Oh, now Naomi, I _know_ you're smart enough to know exactly what I mean by that." I swallowed the lump in my throat, because he was right, I knew exactly what he was implying when he said he was going to 'remove' her. My mind flashed to Freddie and my heart sank, he'd been missing for days.

"Emily isn't here, we broke up." A partial lie, but I had to get him away from here or at least buy some time.

"Then you won't mind me checking?" He took another step towards me, "Emily's behaviour really is causing quite an unnecessary block in my treatment of Elizabeth. You see, the sooner the block is out the way, the sooner we can be together, you've been in love Naomi, you know you can't let anything stand in the way."

My mind swirled, what the fuck was wrong with him, "Get out." He didn't miss my glance to the door, or the step I took towards it, towards to where Emily was.

His eyes widened, he knew I'd lied to him, "So she is upstairs then."

I was panicking, I had to keep him away from her, "I said get out!"

"I think it's best you move out the way Naomi." Staring directly into my eyes there was no mistaking the underlying threat when he whispered those words to me.

"I said get the fuck out of my house." All my muscles were tensed, I just had to stop him getting past me or somehow warn Emily to get out before he got to her. He predicted my move out the door and swung me back into the kitchen, I wasn't expecting the push to my chest or the blow he delivered to my stomach, sending me crashing onto the kitchen table. Something wasn't right. I could feel something. Something that wasn't meant to be there. Something where he'd hit me. No. Something where he'd stabbed me.

He stood over my quivering form and smirked down at me, as I frantically tried to focus on anything but the excruciating pain in my stomach. I could feel the tears falling down the side on my face, could feel my chest heaving as I desperately tried to keep my breathing steady. I forced words out through my clenched jaw, "No, you...". Breathe. "Can't... Have". Breathe. "Her".

"How about we just bring her down here?" I saw his arm jerk and felt the knife twist inside me. I didn't recognise the animalistic sound echoing through the house until I realised it was coming from my own throat. Pain, white hot pain radiating from where he had plunged the blade. I couldn't do anything but gulp in air, I could hear my own cries and feel more tears pouring from my eyes as I lay helpless on the table.

"That's it Naomi, let Emily hear the pain you're in. Elizabeth told me what happened, this is what you've wanted to do for the longest time isn't it?" Anger flooded me, fuck him, fuck his smug smile, I was going to fucking tear it from his fucking face with my bare fucking hands.

I gulped in some more air ready to speak when the light flickered on startling both of us.

"Naomi?"

No.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews and follows :D

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_Only if for a night,_

_And the only solution was to stand and fight,_

_And my body was bruised and I was set alight,_

_But you came over me like some holy rite,_

_And although I was burning,_

_You're the only light._

* * *

His eyes continued to drill into mine, the taste of rust in my mouth growing stronger.

"Glad you could join us Miss Fitch."

He smiled down at me one final time before turning away, leaving the knife buried in my stomach. I was cold, but I could feel the sweat covering my whole body, it seemed to be coming from every pour. My hands trembled as I brought them to where the knife was, an involuntary groan pulling from my throat as they grasped the handle.

I stared up at the ceiling and let out a straggled exhale. I could hear the man talking to Emily, but all I could focus on was the thought that last time I was laying on this table looking up at the ceiling Emily had been smiling down at me. We had just moved into the new house and she had decided we should Christian every room whilst mum and Kieran were out. I still remember the way her eyes gleamed as she brought me down from another climax, the way we lazily kissed afterwards.

Tears sprung to my eyes again and I let my hands fall away from the knife. I knew deep down that it was over, not just our relationship, but for me, I could feel the warmth of blood spreading across my shirt. A sob caught in my throat at the thought that I wasn't going to see Emily again, the last time she had spoken to me was to lash out, so I chose to remember that afternoon in the kitchen instead, I remember how she whispered into my ear that she would always love me.

"Emily, I need you to come with me please. No, you really don't want to see Naomi at the moment."

I could hear her struggling, telling him to let her go. My head just felt so heavy, I couldn't lift it from the table, I couldn't see _her_.

"Ems what's going on? I heard screaming" A new voice, one I didn't recognise. A gasp followed, I could hear them struggling again before hearing a scream as something cracked.

With what felt like a final push of strength my head finally left the table, the man had Emily by the throat against the wall, the girl she had brought home was on the floor blood streaming from her nose. "You don't want anybody else being hurt because of you, do you Emily? Now. Come with me."

I felt a surge run through me at the sight of him pulling Emily towards the door and my hand shot to the knife handle again. I took one final breath and closed my eyes, remembering Emily's smile as she looked down at me that afternoon so long ago.

The same primal scream I heard earlier tore from my throat again as I ripped the knife out of my stomach, pushing myself off the table. As soon as my feet were on the ground I braced my knees and jumped onto him, he didn't have time to react I had already launched myself onto his back. I barely had a grip on the knife as I plunged it into his chest, surprised as it sliced straight into him. My eyes darted over his shoulder and made contact with Emily's, her eyes wide with fear. The need to protect her flared within me again as I drew my arm tighter around his neck, gripping his shoulder with my hand. My other hand reaffirmed its grasp on the knife as I pulled out and stabbed it back into his chest.

He had relinquished his hold on Emily as his hands started clawing at me. His body was trashing, as he stumbled backwards into the table towards the door, he cried out as he tried to shake me off. As we finally reached the door he slammed me back into it, the whole frame shuddering behind me. I heard Emily screaming, and looked over his shoulder again to see the other girl holding her close trying to pull her out the room.

My head slammed into the door again and I heard the shattering of glass behind me as my vision exploded in white light. Still I held on, the knife juttering between his ribs as he gasped for breath. With one final tug to the left the fight seemed to drop from him, his hands falling away from mine as he slumped to the side. My body fell with his, sliding down the door, my head colliding the frame again.

The girl at Emily's side ran towards me, ignoring the mans body that lay next to me. Her hands were hot on my stomach as she pulled my shirt over the knife wound, I heard her muttering a series of swear words as she looked frantically around the room grabbing some towels off the side. Her voice was muffled, her nose still bleeding down her face; "Shit, Emily do you have a first aid kit? We need more towels as well, fuck give me your phone." Emily just stood there looking at me, her mouth open, her eyes wide. "Emily! Your phone!" the girls cries seemed to jolt Emily into fumbling for her pockets as she pulled out her phone giving it to the tanned girl in front of her.

I locked eyes with Emily, vaguely aware of the other girl asking for an ambulance. I couldn't hear the rest my ears seemed to pop, the sounds muffled out.

"First aid kit." Breathe Naomi breathe. "Under the bed." For fuck sake breathe. "In the middle box." Just like before Emily seemed to jolt out of her state and bolted out the door. I knew she would see everything else in there, the tickets to Goa, the rejection letters to the universities I had been accepted to, the diaries full of years of longing and fear and a post-it-note with her own hand writing that I had never been able to let go of.

I knew the blood surrounding me was my own, the girl Emily had brought home was pressing a towel to my stomach with one hand whilst her spare hand was trying to fold another. The phone was still pushed between her ear and shoulder. She pulled my head forwards placing it behind me before resting my head against the towel and door again. She was saying something, but I heard nothing. Black specs danced across my vision. I didn't see Emily was back in the room until she was right in front of me, she was crying, I knew I was groaning as I raised my hand trying my best to wipe her tears away. This was it, the last time I would ever see her, but she was here, she was here with me and that made everything seem ok. Emily was alive, I had saved her, she would be alive to find new love, find someone who wouldn't be afraid to show her how much they loved her. I needed to tell her before I left, she needed to know, I pulled her towards me and kissed her softly.

"I love you."

She was crying harder, she knew it wasn't just an "I love you", she knew it was a goodbye as well. I could see her mouth moving, she was telling me things, she was telling me she loved me. I felt a smile tug at my lips as my arm fell away, I couldn't feel it any more, the black was over whelming my vision, but she was still here with me. I looked her in the eyes trying to convey that it was ok. My eyes felt heavy, I knew when I next closed them that would be it, I didn't try stop them on the way down.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: Thanks again for the reviews, it makes the writing motivation flow easier. This ones from Emily's POV.

Tiffythetitan: All shall be revealed, a couple of chapters to go before then I'm afraid!

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_Search all the while,_

_Find a place called home,_

_To fall apart,_

_Rest my weary bones._

* * *

I still remember every detail of that night, every time I close my eyes I can see the fading blue in Naomi's eyes as she bled out over the kitchen floor. She had fought with everything she had to stop _him_ from taking me, held onto him until the knife had cut through part of his heart. He had been dead before he even hit the ground, at least that's what the police told me.

Mandy had done everything she could to stop the bleeding coming from Naomi's stomach, after Naomi had slipped into unconsciousness she slapped me, literally, into action, ordering me to put a clean towel to the back of Naomi's head and wrap it with the bandage from the first aid kit to stop the bleeding. The ambulance had arrived ten minutes later, I watched dumbly as Mandy explained the situation, detailed the injuries and what she had done so far.

In the hours after arriving at the hospital Mandy had made sure I ate, collected a spare change of clothes and left a message for Gina to come home. Katie arrived the next morning, at some point during the night Mandy had called her as well. It was only then that she dismissed herself, gently kissing me on the forehead and making me promise I would call her with any news.

I'm not sure what I would have done if Mandy wasn't there that night. I still remember the way she held my hand in the police car, the way she looked at me as we waited in the relatives room for news on Naomi, she knew then that _we_, whatever _we_ were, was over. It would be days later before we would talk about it, agree that it was finished, but looking back, I think she knew the moment Naomi told me she loved me in the kitchen that is was over. She had changed since that day, instead of talking about every inane thing that came to her mind, she would sit silently next to me and stare out the window at the dark skies that always seemed to cover Bristol, only talking to ask how Naomi was to ask how I was. It's not just Mandy that's changed since that day, everything has.

Naomi had spent the whole night in theatre, the stab wound to her stomach had torn into her internal organs, but the doctors had stopped all the bleeding, stitched everything back into place and complications permitting they were happy she would make a full recovery from it. The surgeon had placed his hand on my knee when he told me about Naomi's head injuries. The blows against the door had shattered the back of her skull, in the place of bone there was now a metal plate and they were keeping her sedated, the swelling caused by the trauma was too much to let her wake up.

The sound of the ventilation machine in her room, the rhythmic beeping, the birds outside. I can still hear it all. The sight of Naomi laying there under the fake lighting, her pale face a stark contrast against the black bruises that had erupted around her eyes, a white bandage covered the top of her head.

The police came later that morning to take a statement, recording it as we sat around Naomi's bed.

I went back to Naomi's on the second day, Katie was sat by her side left with the promise to call me if anything no matter how small happened. The forensic team and the police had already cleaned the kitchen, removed any trace of the fight that had taken place such a short time ago. A sheet of plywood covered the window in the kitchen door.

It was the glass of water in the living room and the old grey cardigan thrown over the side of the sofa that broke me, traces of Naomi. It's where Cook found me curled up on the sofa 10 minutes later, face buried in her cardigan. I left him sat in the door frame he had slid down as he processed the news I had given him and made my way to the bedroom.

The boxes from under the bed still lay across the floor, but it was the contents of the middle box, the box that had the first aid kit that drew me in. I didn't understand at first, why there were two tickets to Goa and rejection letters to all three universities she had applied and been accepted to. Going to university is all she had thought about since starting secondary school. At least that's what I thought until I started reading through her diaries, it wasn't university that she was thinking about, it was me. She had been writing about me since she was 12, picking up on every small detail and jotting it down in her books. There was a copy of the volcano project we had done together in Geography, a copy of a menu marked as the first time we ate lunch together and the first and only Christmas card I had given her. A small yellow post-it caught my eye and I found myself falling apart again.

Reading her diary after I kissed her broke me apart, how could I have _known_ it meant so much. I once told her everything was fragile, but the truth is she already knew the frailty of love, she had experienced it because of me. An understanding washed over me, why she was always so willing to run from me, why I scared her so much. She already knew what it was like to have me turn my back on her, even the entries after the Love Ball spoke of a new fear that now I accepted I was gay I was going to find someone more 'worthy' of my love.

Cook was gone by the time I went back down the stairs.

Gina arrived on the fourth night, getting the earliest flight back possible. She always seemed so in control, seeing her collapse to the floor in the doorway of Naomi's room caused tears to fall down my own cheeks again. We didn't say a word to each other as I threw my arms around her and held her against me. Katie had been visiting me daily, making me eat, forcing me to shower and change into new clothes. She found Gina and me crumpled on the floor, made us get up and drink some distinctly Irish coffee.

My mum made a surprise appearance on the fifth day, she surprised me even more by breaking down in front of me. She held me close as apologies poured from her lips, pleading that I forgive her. I told her the truth, she was my mum all I ever wanted was for her to love me for who I am. I didn't hear what she said when she lent over Naomi, but I saw her hands grasping Naomi's as she spoke to her, saw her kiss her forehead before leaving.

Katie eventually told me about Freddie, his clothes found festering in _that mans _basement, his body laid to rest in the garden. She told me about Effy, she was already tearing herself apart with guilt over Naomi, the news about Freddie saw her running into three lanes of traffic saved at the last second by Cook. All the while I gripped onto Naomi's cold hand, it should have been me in that bed, he had come for me.

By the tenth day the doctor who had been treating Naomi thought she was ready to come off the ventilator, they explained the risks, explained that it was up to Naomi now. The sound of her heart flat lining would haunt me until my own heart gave out.

Our group of 'friends' were thrown together at the beginning of term, ulterior motives defined us, but here we are today joined in our black outfits watching as the coffin was lowered into the ground.

It was her eyes I missed the most.

"Naomi should be here."

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**A/N**: This is the last full chapter that just needed a bit of editing and filling out, the ones after this all need to be at least partially rewritten, so it might be a bit longer between chapters going forwards.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: I know I say it every chapter, but really, thank you for all the reviews. If you do spot any mistakes, let me know and I'll get them corrected :)

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_Oh, maybe you were free,_

_Before my blackened wing covered you,_

_I took the sing from your song._

* * *

My eyes hurt, the dull ache echoing from them seemed to throb all the way to the back of my skull. I tried to concentrate on what happened before I went to sleep, but there was nothing, I couldn't even remember going to bed. After everything that had happened these past few weeks it was probably some badly cut drugs courtesy of Cook and from the pain radiating through my head I think it damn near killed me.

I could hear myself groan softly as I opened my eyes, I was thirsty and there was a bitter taste in my mouth. It was bright, someone must have opened the curtains, Cook no doubt. Fucking me up on some shitty cut drugs and leaving the curtains open, I was going to throw the bastard out. I squinted my eyes to try and adjust them to the brightness of the room.

Everything was out of focus, but suddenly there was the outline of people standing over me, one of them looking an awful lot like a nurse... Jesus Christ, the bastard had hospitalised me! Fuck throwing him out, I was going to rip his balls off.

I could hear my name being called... It sounded like Emily and a feeling of hopelessness hit me, there was no chance of keeping this a secret from her if she was here to see it. I wanted to raise my hands to cover my face, try and block out the brightness, but my arms felt too heavy to move.

My eyes started to find their focus, gradually adjusting to the light. Emily _was_ one of the figures standing over me, but for the first time in weeks when we made eye contact there was no disgust, no anger at the state I had got myself in, I just saw warmth. I could see her mouth moving, but the words didn't make any sense. I couldn't... I ... Why couldn't I understand what she was saying?

"Naomi?"

My head lulled to the right. My mum was gripping onto my hand, tears brimming in her eyes. Oh God, I'd really fucked up if my mum was here as well. What the hell had happened?

Pain.

I flinched as it tore through my stomach my eyes clenching shut, something had happened there. Something had hurt me. There was a man, he tried to hurt Emily, he hurt me instead. I couldn't... There was something... I couldn't focus on the memory.

"Naomi, can you open your eyes for me please?" My eyes blinked open, I understood, the words being said around me began to have meaning again. The nurse who's silhouette I noticed when I first opened my eyes was standing over me again, her hand offering me a small plastic cup of water. She brought it to my lips tilting it gently, it wasn't enough but at least it didn't feel so dry any more. She placed the cup back on the cabinet beside me, "You're in hospital, you had an accident. Could you tell me your name?"

"Naomi Campbell," my throat felt tight when I spoke, my voice barely rising above a hoarse whisper. I felt a wave of tiredness sweep over me as she scribbled something on the clipboard she was holding, if Cook and I got home at the usual time after one of our benders then I couldn't have slept for very long.

"And how old are you Naomi?" My eyes shut again, I was so _tired_, I could hear someone calling my name again. "Naomi, can you tell me how old you are?"

I sighed, and opened my eyes again, "18."

"Good, do you recognise these people around you?"

I nodded gently, my eyes squinting shut at the pain that shot through my head at the slight movement. "That's my mother and that's my-" my eyes locked with Emily's again, my voice faltering, I wasn't sure she was my anything any more, "that's Emily Fitch."

"Ok, and how are you feeling, is there any pain? Any nausea?"

"Mmm, my head," I tried to move my hand up to touch it, but my arms could barely move off the bed.

"I'll see about getting you some pain killers, you're due your next batch soon. I'm going to put a call in for your doctor to come down as well, he'll be glad to hear you're awake." She returned the clipboard to the end of the bed and looked over to my mum. "If you would like we can explain medically what has happened to Naomi, but I think the details of _what_ happened would be best coming from one of you." She nodded her agreement as we all watched the nurse leave the room.

The room fell silent after the nurse left, my mum and Emily were exchanging glances from either side of the bed. My eyes started to lose focus again, I just wanted to go back to sleep for a little while. "Hey, no, Naomi open your eyes dear, come on."

I hadn't even realised I'd closed them, but mum was standing over me , her thumb stroking my cheek. "There you are, I know you're tired Naomi, but try and stay awake until the doctor gets here ok?" I nod gently again, forgetting the pain that coursed through my skull the last time. "And try to stop nodding dear, you've got a mouth, use it." She was smiling at me, but I could still see tears ready to fall from her eyes.

"I'm going to get us some tea, give you two some time, if that's ok Emily?" She was looking up and I saw one of the tears spill down her cheek. I wasn't surprised she was leaving to get tea, I was surprised that she didn't have a thermos of it with her.

"Yeah, I- Thanks Gina." I saw them exchange glances again and wondered if Emily had told her about what I'd done. She was already leaning down and kissing me on the cheek before I could ask her, squeezing Emily's arm on the way out the room.

"Do you, do you want some more water?" She was nervous I could tell.

"Please."

She filled the cup to the top before walking over to the side of the bed again, her hand trembling as she brought it to my lips. I could feel the dryness disappearing from my throat with every mouthful, couldn't help letting out a sigh of relief when she eventually moved the empty cup away. "Thanks, God, I'm so tired."

"I know, but you need to stay awake, Gina needs to see you properly before you go back to sleep." I hummed my agreement, but I was confused, I didn't understand why my mum was here, the last time I'd spoken to her she'd been hundreds of miles away, how did she even get here so quickly?

"Do you remember anything about what happened Naomi?" I looked up at the ceiling, trying to focus on the memory from earlier, I remembered the kitchen, something happened in the kitchen.

"I- There's something there, I just can't focus on it. I remember going to the kitchen, Cook was there, I think, I can't, I can't remember actually seeing him though." I closed my eyes trying to picture the kitchen. "We argued? I think we had an argument? I remember being angry."

"It wasn't Cook you were arguing with Naomi-" she was right, it wasn't Cook it was someone else, I nodded my head forwards again, the same pain from early shooting through it. It hit me then. My head, something happened to my head. I gasped as pain shot through the back of my skull, I remembered being slammed against something. My eyes flew to Emily's. It was in the kitchen, there was a man it wasn't Cook though, I was holding onto his chest and he was slamming me into the door, oh God I remembered the pain.

I could feel my breathing pick up, he wanted to hurt Emily, I think he was trying to kill her, why was he trying to kill her? "Naomi, Naomi! Calm down!" Suddenly Emily's hands were gripping mine, her worried face hovering over me. As my breathing started to slow, she pulled a chair closer to the bed, her hands holding onto mine again once she'd sat down, her thumbs drawing circles on the backs of them.

My breathing had almost returned to normal when she dropped our eye contact and let go of my hands, her arms resting out across my body, her head buried in them as she started to cry. Minutes passed before she looked at me again. "I'm sorry Naomi," sobs started racking her body, "it should have been me, he was there for me and even after everything I've done to you, you still fought him, you still saved me. I'm so sorry, please, it should have been me."

I felt a familiar ache rising in my chest, looking at Emily in that moment I remembered the roof top. Her eyes were blood shot, her lip pulling between her teeth with each sob, her cheeks wet with tears. I couldn't remember what had happened or who the man in the kitchen was, but something bad was going to happen to Emily and I'd saved her, that didn't mean anything had changed though. I'd still cheated on Emily, destroyed our relationship, but now there was a chance, a chance for us to at least talk instead of the endless silence we'd been living in before.

"I think, we had, we have a lot to talk about Ems and I still don't understand what happened last night, but please." I cupped her chin and forced her to look at me. "You have to know I love you Emily, I love you so much it was killing me, because really I'd die for you Emily Fitch, so don't you ever apologise for me saving you, because even though I don't know what happened, I do know I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat."

"Last night?" My mums voice perked up from the doorway and Emily quickly wiped at the tears on her face. "Naomi, it's been over three weeks."

Three weeks? Jesus.

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**A/N**: As if I could kill Naomi, I'm not Jess Brittain... Ack! It's still too soon to joke about it.

I'm off on holiday for a couple of weeks from Monday, I'll try and get a chapter up on my return. Latorz aligatorz.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: So in the original incarnation of this fic, Naomi went home a couple of hours after waking up from a three week coma... That was never going to happen in real life was it!

Sorry it's a bit later than planned, had a bit of an accident whilst on holiday. It went from 'this is lovely' style relaxing to 'ow that hurt' style relaxing within 24hours.

* * *

_I fell through the floor,_

_I couldn't take this any more,_

_I can't take this any more,_

_It breaks my mind._

* * *

"Three times huh?"

"Twice during the surgery and once when we took you off the ventilator." The doctor was standing at the side of the bed taking me through everything that had happened since arriving in the hospital. His eyes were kind and he spoke with an accent I couldn't place. He was good looking, I suppose, the nurse who was with him certainly thought so anyway if the attention her eyes gave him every time he pushed a hand through his messy dark hair was anything to go by.

"Does that mean I was technically dead?"

"Naomi!" Emily looked at me, her eyes wide and my mum just shook her head in the seat next to her. I knew the severity of what he had said, I had almost died, _three_ times. I didn't need him to tell me how lucky I was, I didn't _want_ him to. I tried to push the thoughts down, I was too exhausted to start thinking about my own mortality.

"Technically no, your heart just stopped for a few moments, although the third one did give your girlfriend quite the panic we thought we were going to have to hook her up to the machine in your place." The nurse next to him let out a short laugh whilst Emily's cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"It's ok Emily, it was a perfectly natural reaction," he smiled towards her, but I could tell there was something gnawing at Emily as she bit her lip between her teeth and looked down at her hands. "Now before I leave do you have any more questions Miss Campbell?"

My eyes snapped up from studying Emily to meet his again. "Not that I can think of, but I'll see you tomorrow so I can ask then if I do have any more right?" We had been talking for at least half an hour and I could feel the need to go back to sleep again tugging at me. The truth was I did have questions, I wanted to know when I could go home, but I knew the answers wouldn't be short ones or the answers I wanted to hear.

"Of course, I normally do my rounds at eleven, so until then get some rest, your body's been through a lot." His hand came to rest briefly on my shoulder, squeezing it gently before he started walking towards the door.

"Hey, Doctor," he turned in the doorway his eyebrows raising in question, "thanks for you know, not letting me die."

"It's what they pay me for Miss Campbell, now rest." He smiled at us all again and carried on walking into the hallway.

"I don't like to mention this," the nurse who had been with the doctor was still with us, fidgeting nervously with her clipboard, "but now Miss Campbell awake, we're going to have to ask that you only come in during the visiting hours."

I could see Emily about to protest, but Mum interrupted her before she had the chance, "Ah, that's our cue to leave then."

"I'm really sorry, I know-" My mum held up her hand to stop her.

"It's ok dear, we'll be gone soon." The nurse exchanged a quick smile with her, returning the clipboard to the end of the bed as she did, she didn't stay to wait for Emily and mum to leave.

As soon as the nurse had left the room they both stood from their chairs. Before the doctor had arrived one of the nurses had hooked me up to some more pain killers and I felt another wave of tiredness wash over me as I watched them moving about the room.

It was my mum who said her goodbyes first. We didn't hug or show any real physical affection to each other, not really and mainly because of me, but I welcomed the embrace when she put her arms around me. "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon Naomi, I've missed you so much. Honestly I can't wait to tell you about some of the things that silly bugger Keiron did whilst we were away." I let out a laugh, my stomach muscles clenching painfully. "I'll be in the car when you're ready Emily."

I didn't get the chance to see her leave the room, Emily had already taken her place, hugging me gently. I breathed in the scent of her and recognised it as our home mixed with the subtle smell of cinnamon that always seemed to cling to her.

"God, I don't want to leave you, it feels like I've only just got you back." Her arms tightened around me and I could feel her breathing against my neck. I'm not sure how to take her statement, part of me thinks it might just mean she's happy to have me awake again, but another part of me thinks, _hopes_, she means she's happy that we're back together, back to being Emily and Naomi.

She holds me for a few more moments and I could feel myself falling asleep in her arms. I let out a groan when she finally pulled back from me, opening my eyes to meet hers again. She was smiling down at me, her eyes darting across my face as if she was trying to take in every detail. Her hand came up to the side of my face, her thumb stroking across it.

"It's ok Naomes, the doctor was right, go to sleep, you need to rest. I'll see you in the morning." I closed my eyes again, too exhausted to keep them open or give her any response to her goodbye. I concentrated on the feeling of Emily's thumb on my cheek and I couldn't be sure, but before I drifted into unconsciousness I think I felt her lips lightly connecting with mine.

* * *

I don't know how long I slept for, but when I woke it was dark outside and I was alone. The only sounds were the soft hum of the machines around me and my own erratic breathing. The last few whisps of dream were still fresh in my mind. I had been back in the kitchen, except Sophia and Freddie had been there too, both of them trying to hold me down as the man attacked Emily. An involuntary shudder went through me at the memory of it.

I rubbed my hands across my eyes, I still felt tired, like I needed to sleep for another three weeks, but I didn't want to close my eyes again. I did't want to find out if the dream was a one off or if dreaming about a stranger attacking Emily whilst I'm helpless to do anything is going to become a nightly event.

A tear slid down my face as my jumbled thoughts lingered on Freddie. Before the doctor had come to see me, Emily had told me what they found. He had been in my dream, and he had been alive. He wasn't alive any more though, all that time we thought he had run away he had been laying dead in John Fosters back garden. They had already laid him to rest properly, next to his mothers grave.

My thoughts shifted to John Foster. Effy's psychologist, he was the man that had attacked me. In the dream I had been trying to kill him and I think in real life I actually had. I was holding onto a knife, pushing it into his chest when Freddie and Sophia had dragged me off him. Another shudder ran through me and I looked down at my hands, had I killed a man with them? Held onto a knife and stabbed him in the chest with it? The more I looked at them in the dim light of the room the more I could see the blood on them. I blinked, hard, to clear my vision, there was no blood just shadows. My breathing finally started to slow and I relaxed back into the pillow.

The police would be coming to see me in the morning, they needed a statement about what happened three weeks ago. I didn't want to dream about that night again, I wanted to forget it. I wanted to forget the feel of the knife, the wet tearing sound as it juttered about inside him and I didn't want it to be true. I wanted to forget, but tomorrow morning, when the police came, I was going to have to try to remember it if I wanted to or not.

* * *

I didn't remember closing my eyes and going back to sleep, but when I woke again it was to the sight of Emily unpacking clothes from a duffel bag into a cabinet. I lay there for a few minutes, just watching Emily as she rummaged through the bag, it felt like years had passed since I had last been able to just sit and watch her. A smile tugged at my lips as I remembered watching her gardening, her eyes had held the same look of concentration, her lips moving as she spoke silent sentences to herself, the only thing missing was mud smudged across her cheek.

"There's some breakfast next to you if you can manage it." Her voice took me off guard and I wondered how long she had known I was awake. I looked over at the tray next to the bed and my stomach twisted at the sight of it.

"No, just water please?" Whilst I was sleeping someone had put a fresh jug of water next to the bed. I looked up at the bag of fluid that had been almost empty above my bed the night before to see it was almost full again and gently dripping into my arm.

"Here you go." I pushed my body up the bed, grimacing as my stomach muscles spasmed at the movement and took the plastic cup from her. As I drank the cool liquid I watched her continue the unpacking. The more I studied her the more I noticed her movements were slow, sluggish almost.

"Hey, Ems, you ok?" She paused and looked at me for a few moments before dropping the clothes she was holding back into the bag and taking a seat next to the bed. She doesn't start talking straight away, instead she took my hand in hers and started tracing the veins on it, fingers careful to move around the needle sticking out the back.

"Just tired, I had- Sometimes I dream about when you come off the ventilator, except-" I watched as Emily's eyes grew distant, her mouth pulling down into a small frown. "Except it doesn't start again, your heart, it stops and I can't do anything but watch."

She smiled sadly at me and her body language from the previous night started to make sense. Seeing me like that, listening to my heart stop had got to her, probably more than she was letting on to everyone around her. "I can never go back to sleep again afterwards. What about you? Did you sleep ok?"

"I-" I'm about to lie, tell her I slept fine, but everything had fallen apart because of my inability to just speak to Emily, to just tell her I was scared. If this was going to work between us, if anything was going to be salvaged I needed to tell her the truth, to let go of these barriers and just _talk_ to her.

"I had a dream, or well, I don't know, a nightmare I think," I took a breath to try and calm my nerves. "It was about what happened in the kitchen, but it was different." I could see Emily was about to say something, probably ask if I had remembered everything that happened, but I needed to get this out now before I had the chance to back down. "Freddie was there and," I paused briefly, "And Sophia was too."

Emily's mouth dropped open making a small "oh" noise and I could feel the panic building inside me. I knew I was about to break. My voice cracked as I continued and I could feel the tears building in my eyes. "They had me pinned to the table, I couldn't get to you and I'm scared Emily, I'm scared, because what if I have to see that every night? What if it never goes away?"

"Naomes, everything is going to be ok, you're going to be ok." Her arms pulled me into her as she continued whispering words of reassurance into my ear. My tears were soaking into her shirt as she held me and despite her soft whispers I could still feel the panic building inside me.

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**A/N**: Not sure when the next chapter will be up... It currently has a grand total of five lines written. In the mean time you should read (or probably reread) all of garden-nomes stuff, because FUCK ME it's hot.


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